Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do baby clothes have pockets?
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
I want to sleep tighter
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.