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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.