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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?