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I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.