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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.