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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.