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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.