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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
So much to do and so few alibis.
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.