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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
This day needs more yesterday.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.