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I wish my mind had a delete button.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?