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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!