Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it