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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
bras are booby-traps
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.