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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.