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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver