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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.