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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.