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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.