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Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.