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I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun...
"Dean, what are you doing this weekend?"
"That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should."
"But what are you doing?"
"What I`m g
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*