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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation Iām having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.