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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
All milk is breast milk.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.