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If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Please do not read this.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.