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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.