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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.