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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought β€œI didn’t know I knew that."
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
DonΒ΄t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didnΒ΄t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.