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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.