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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.