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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/