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You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
AWESOME!
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.