Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!