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I just made you think of an elephant
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
I think my guardian angel drinks.
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
i dont have drain bramage.