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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.