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My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s