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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
The best things in life require no pants.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.