Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........