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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I look so young for my rage.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house