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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.