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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Check this one out.........1
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.