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My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!