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Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.