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I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
What if the weather talks about us?
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.