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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.