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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.