Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.