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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"