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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.