Daily Silly Status

I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.

There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.

"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.

I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.

My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.

Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.

once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..

I only accept apologies in cash.

Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.

The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.

Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.

At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.

So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?

What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`