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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.