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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Gym update: not there
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!