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I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
i dont have drain bramage.