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Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
I`m going to hell in every religion!
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.