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If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
why we do not have a romance class...............