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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I like it like that
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.