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A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...