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If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.