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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP