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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!