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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
How Big is Infinity?