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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?
I play hard to get along with.