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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.