Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.