Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)