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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
I flunked anger management class.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.