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If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
My problem is that all food is comfort food
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?