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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."