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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I wish common sense was more common.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...