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I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Word for the day is asstard
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.