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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."